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from Rat's log log
09:49 UTC, 10.04.2021
Never before have I imagined that a shit could be so big, yet go out so easily and hastily. It was very dark, but had very little cracks, the first part was very thick, but not very long. The second part was more akin to a big rock. It came out clean, leaving me with no need for toilet paper.
from Rat's log log
Types of poop
The Ghost Shit The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.
The Clean Shit The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.
The Wet Shit You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
The Second Wave Shit This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.
The Brain Hemorrahage Through Your Nose Shit Also known as “Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit”. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
The Corn Shit No explanation necessary.
The Lincoln Log Shit The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
The Nororius Drinker Shit The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
The “Gee, I Really Wish I Could Shit” Shit The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
The Wet Cheeks Shit Also known as the “Power Dump”. That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
The Liquid Shit That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
The Mexican Food Shit A class all on its own.
The Crowd Pleaser This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guinness Book Of Records Shit A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The Aftershock Shit This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next seven hours is affected.
The “Honeymoon's Over” Shit This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
The Groaner A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The Floater Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings.
The Ranger A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion. The way you usually fix this is by taking the improved standard pose. Begin by tiptoeing, and then lean a little bit forward. If this still fails, try different angles for your legs and your back. If this also fails, then do not push, as it is usually useless and will only damage your colon in the long run. The last resort is to simply wipe it away.
The Phantom Shit This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
The Peek-A-Boo Shit Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Bombshell A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
The Snake Charmer A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position – usually harmless.
The Olympic Shit This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.
The Back-To-Nature Shit This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven Shit An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't shit.
Premeditated Shit Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
Shitzopherenia Fear of shitting – can be fatal!
Energizer Vs. Duracell Shit Also known as a “Still Going” shit.
The Power Dump Shit The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.
The Liquid Plumber Shit This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)
The Spinal Tap Shit The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
The “I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My Asshole” Shit Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Porridge Shit The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: a) flush and keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
The “I'm Going To Chew My Food Better” Shit When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
The “I Think I'm Turning Into A Bunny” Shit When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The “What The Hell Died In Here?” Shit Also sometimes referred to as “The Toxic Dump”. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The “I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dangling There” Shit Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
from Rat's log log
08:40, 31.03.2021
This one was two-parted, light brown, not very thick, and had an average length. There is not a lot to write about this one, except for the fact that I was standing for ~10-15 minutes waiting for the last piece to fall, when it already fell. This shit left me apathetic.
Today I had three times my moment. Seriously I'm not making this up. A regular meal, although a bit excessive. it doesn't justifying going to the shitter THREE times. Oh well thou gotta do what thou gotta do. I skipped blogging the second because oh well that could happen but the third means that a blog needs to be written. Nothing special intake, three meals like recommended. Didn't feel like eating snacks after the last meal which is unsual. Hopefully tomorrow isn't as turbulence because its exhausting. Lol peace out
Not diarrhea this time but worthy nonetheless. I obviously didn't had enough fluids today meaning it was quite a squeeze and dropped two little snakes. According to some monkey in the new republic it means 'movement and change' in Chinese. Oh well that might actually be true and its not my bowels moving. Feeling better overall. Clean flush, not so bad. Shit you not.
After hours of slowly letting go pressure of the day a big shit was laid upon the throne. It was little squeeze yet little bits of what was first ingested. The deliverable required multiple flushes and manual cleaning of both the throne and myself. Many weight was transferred and the relief was great.
A moment of poop. Let's take a moment. Face it, not literally please. There is a reason it has toxic fumes. Don't eat it or apply it to yourself or your sexual partner(s). Unless you are into that, that's all up or down to you. Anyway back to let's take a moment. Isn't it amazing how we have to separate ourselves from the busy life. Temporary lockdown just you and your bowels. We even lock our doors in most societies or take some bushes a bit away from where we eat. Disturbing someone during this process is highly funny and awkward. At some time in life unless you shit yourself earlier to death this is reversed and someone will need to help wipe ass. A moment of poop together.
Ok my previous post was a bit shit. As the writer of these chronicles i don't want to write from a mighty porcelain throne but rather share the amazing experience that all those who can solve captcha can relate to. Many shitheads keep on going about their cooking and how delicious their meals we're made. Of course that is of great importance of the final end production that we deliver to the magical hole that either accepts or rejects it. Earlier I mentioned that only those who solve captcha participate in this cult yet we cannot forget the amazing animal kingdom that contributes to our loggings. Also a shoutout to midek who promptly delivered this shitty platform. I was like “give blog” and great release without any pressure. It's like being at someone's house and they acknowledge you ruining their bathroom. Thank you, I won't let you down piece of shits.